The One About Grace

This summer I was hurt deeply by someone who I care deeply for and who cares for me. It cut me to the core & I've been struggling with relationships ever since. It has made me question the believability of people & realize even more deeply the humanity of those I love & surround myself with. I realized that there is no one who is 100% reliable. We are all human and unless we choose to share our deepest thoughts and feelings w/ another person, they don't know our every thought and action. We all have secrets. Things we hide from each other. Things we'd be mortified to have come to the surface.

My human side builds up walls to protect myself. I'm not sure when this started for me... but I've done that as long as I can remember. I pull back, sharing less & less of myself w/ people I don't feel 'safe' with. (And believe me, there are few people I feel fully safe with.. few that I feel have my back no matter what I share with them. Who love me the same no matter what. Who will keep my secrets, pray for me & help me in times of need. That is a 'safe' person for me.) I put up walls between myself & the Lord as well. I guess in some ways I put Him on the same level as the rest of us. I know, intellectually, this isn't right, but it's hard to throw myself into a relationship with someone who isn't tangible when those who are tangible are unreliable. I find that it's hard to reach out to Him & let myself be loved by Him. In a lot of ways, I think I 'punish' myself, feeling I'm not worthy of the love He is so graciously giving to me. And I'm not. That's the beauty of grace, after all. Not being worthy of His love, but being given it freely anyway.

And so I struggle... As a Christian, I am to extend the same grace to those around me. Building up walls of separation is the opposite of extending grace. It may make me feel protected, but I'll never know where the Lord can take a friendship if I don't allow myself to be vulnerable now & then.

As Thanksgiving season approaches & the Advent season comes right afterwards, I'm thinking a lot about what I have to be thankful for. There is so much... but for today I'm thankful for Grace. The grace the Lord gives to us. The grace friends & family have given to me. The grace I'm learning to give to my children, my family, & my friends. Grace...

The One About Grace

"There's only grace. There's only love. There's only mercy and believe me it's enough. Our sins are gone w/out a trace. There's nothing left now, there's only grace."

I woke up with this song running through my head this morning. It struck me that this is the season where SO MUCH grace was given to us! So much grace was poured out on behalf of us... each of us. I keep thinking about how Jesus died ...DIED... on the cross for our sins. Imagine you have 5 children. Imagine 4 of them are so naughty they are constantly causing trouble. Imagine you punish *only* the one who isn't naughty for all the naughtiness the others are doing. Seems so unfair and so wrong.... yet, that's what God did. Ultimately he punished Jesus... the only perfect person to walk this earth... because of the things we do wrong every day. And what thanks does He get? Really?

I'm not claiming to be a perfect Christian (Is there such a thing?) I don't read my Bible daily. I pray daily, but often it's "Lord, help me not to kill my kids today!" I know I've missed opportunities to share the gospel. I certainly don't give God the thanks He deserves in my daily life.

But I am thankful. I am thankful for that grace He chose to give to us. I'm thankful that He saw us worth enough of receiving that grace if we just ask for it. I'm thankful that He chose to bless us and give us such a wonderful gift of life if we choose it. I'm thankful for His grace.