Thursday, August 16, 2012

Another One About Marriage

I've had all these thoughts about marriage mulling about in my head lately.  How to have a happy marriage? How to make a marriage last?  What to expect when you're married? I have no idea what to title my thoughts exactly... but here are the top 5 thoughts I've had.

  • Your Spouse is Human! or Take Your Spouse off of That Pedestal!
    • Can you believe your spouse is human? I remember walking down the aisle into my future as Mrs. Matt. Matt was perfect... the absolute best person in the whole wide world & I viewed him as a super hero.  Most young blushing brides probably feel the same way I did & most grooms see their brides that way.  The problem with seeing our spouses as superhuman is that they are, after all, merely human just as we all are. We put them high on a pedestal & where do they have to go but down?  And when they fall (i.e. when they are human!) we are surprised.  It may shake us to our core & shock us that they could be so... so human.  I think one of the best things I did in our marriage was to see my husband for who he is.  He's a great guy, a great dad, an amazing husband, but he is not perfect.  I took him off the pedestal and accepted him for the man God created him to be.
  • Forgiveness
    • I have mulled this subject over numerous times.  Forgiveness is a choice.  A hard choice.  What surprised me is that forgiveness doesn't mean the hurt is gone.  It doesn't mean that you automatically forget (after all, we are human... not God who DOES forget!) It surprised me that often you have to make the choice to forgive more than once.  Each time that negative feeling, the hurt, the pain creep back in... you choose to forgive again.  Some things are easy to forgive & only take one time while others are much tougher & take numerous times.  It is absolutely essential for a marriage that forgiveness be granted.  (On the flip side... repentance is absolutely essential as well.)
  • Love is More Than a Feeling
    • There is probably a bad country song with that title.  :) It's so true tho.  Love is more than a feeling.  Love begins with the feeling.  On that day you get married, you feel so much love, excitement, & joy.  You have dreamed of the day when you would marry the right person that swept you off your feet.  Those are feelings of love.  Love is a choice too.  When the going gets tough (and it will at some point in your marriage) and you feel as tho you don't love that person anymore, you choose to.  Choose to pick out the positive things, rekindle the love that you had at the beginning by dating again.. choose to love.
  • Commitment 101
    • I think one of my favorite quotes about marriage is this one:  It's a picture of an older couple who have been marriage 50+ years.  When asked what made them last that long, the answer was "We grew up in an era where you fixed things when they were broken, you don't throw them away." That's commitment.  When things are tough & seemingly hopeless, that's the time you determine to stick it out & seek ways to fix what was broken.  Too many people forget the commitment part of marriage because, let's face it, who wants to be miserable? Let me tell you from personal experience... when you feel like throwing in the towel, get on your knees and pray.  Find some way to communicate what you need. Get help if needed.... but find a way to stay committed & the Lord will honor that.
  • The Marriage Triangle
    • Which brings me to this last topic that's been mulling around in my mind... the marriage triangle.  God at the top... you on one side & your spouse on the other.  It is not always easy to carve out time to focus on God in the midst of our daily, busy schedules. Believe me, I know!  Keeping God at the top of the triangle will help all the rest fall into place.  It will help you to stay committed, help you to love & help you to be able to forgive your spouse.  God on the top... and equal partners below.
Just some random thoughts I've been wanting to write down... 

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