As a parent, every day you're faced with the choice of how to parent numerous times/day whether you realize it or not. The 3 y/o has a massive meltdown and you have to choose to ignore it, redirect, address it, or discipline it. I've written before how important it is to assess each situation that arises because sometimes you can easily "cure" the problem by realizing that they are just really hungry or tired or stressed & all it takes is a snack or a kind word to calm them. People who feel bad, act bad... so sometimes it's as easy as a gentle reminder and hug to calm them down.
Last night I ran into such a situation. My 4 y/o was completely melting down over the fact that my 9 y/o wouldn't talk her before they went to sleep. Lights out had already happened and 9 y/o was sleepy from a sleepover the night before. I was already in bed because I haven't been feeling well... gluten withdrawal. Matt went in and tried to calm 4 y/o down, but she wasn't having it, so I went in. I realized that over the past 2 days we have been out of the house 14 hrs on Friday & 8 on Saturday. Late nights and crazy schedules had pushed her over the edge. So I scooped her up in my arms and carried her downstairs. I rocked her and sang to her as she clung to me. Within 30 seconds I felt her body relax. Within 3 minutes I heard her soft sleepy breathing. Withing 5 minutes she was completely out. I carried her upstairs and tucked her in where her sister was already fast asleep.
I realized how differently that could have gone if I had gotten upset with her (which has happened, believe me!) or if I had told 9 y/o to talk to her for a while. It could have changed the whole situation. I've always tried to make a point of calmly putting the kids to bed at night. Oh, we've had those frustrating nights where I'm ready to pull my hair out, but I feel that kids get a deeper & most restful sleep if their bedtime is calm & relaxing. *I* certainly don't sleep well if I'm full of turmoil.
I'm just thankful that we, as parents, have the ability to assess each situation individually and go from there. There's no absolute rule that you must do 'x' every time the child does 'y'. Don't believe it when the books tell you there is. Each child, each situation, each parent is different than another, so why would there be one "pat answer" to fix everything?! Consistency, Grace, Discipline & Kindness.... those will get you far in parenting in my opinion.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The Lost One on Discipline
I found this post that I started a year ago and never finished... weird. :) It sounds good tho. :P No idea why I didn't finished..
Parenting is a game & you have to be wise enough to figure out the next play. You have to know which battles to pick. What is the underlying heart reason your child is acting out? Is it truly a heart issue or is there some other reason that your child is acting out?
My previous post about KT and the bonding time really made me think about these things. Are are definite times where discipline is needed and warranted. Times when they need to be removed from the situation. Having worked with children since I was 12, I've seen so many types of discipline techniques, personalities and parenting ways. To be honest, before I had children I thought I had it all figured out. Then I had children and everything *I* knew flew out the window. I realized I needed to seek the Lord more. It's way more than just discipline.
Too many parents are afraid to discipline these days. I don't know why, but I see it a lot. People don't seem to be teaching their children to be respectful. They drop their kids off at events and wipe their hands clean of them for that hour or two. Ahh... relief from the children is nice, but in the end your child is your responsibility. Nobody else has been given the commission from God to raise your children.
Parenting is a game & you have to be wise enough to figure out the next play. You have to know which battles to pick. What is the underlying heart reason your child is acting out? Is it truly a heart issue or is there some other reason that your child is acting out?
My previous post about KT and the bonding time really made me think about these things. Are are definite times where discipline is needed and warranted. Times when they need to be removed from the situation. Having worked with children since I was 12, I've seen so many types of discipline techniques, personalities and parenting ways. To be honest, before I had children I thought I had it all figured out. Then I had children and everything *I* knew flew out the window. I realized I needed to seek the Lord more. It's way more than just discipline.
Too many parents are afraid to discipline these days. I don't know why, but I see it a lot. People don't seem to be teaching their children to be respectful. They drop their kids off at events and wipe their hands clean of them for that hour or two. Ahh... relief from the children is nice, but in the end your child is your responsibility. Nobody else has been given the commission from God to raise your children.
The Busy One
I haven't blogged in a while again. I had lofty goals of keeping up with blogging, but man oh man, I'm strung right out with craziness.
Here's how my busiest day goes w/ my "handful":
Here's how my busiest day goes w/ my "handful":
- Up around 6:30 to see the hubster for a few minutes
- Kiddos up at 7. Breakfast & then school time starts.
- See 6th grader off for trumpet lessons.
- School the first grader for about an hour to an hour and a half.
- See 4th grader off for flute lessons
- Read to and "do school" with the preschooler.
- Snack at 10.
- Check over 4th, 5th and 6th graders work as needed. Correct/teach things to them.
- Check on laundry/dishes/housework and do what I can.
- Have lunch.
- Leave for work
- Work until 5:30
- Set up classrooms at church for clubs.
- Either help teach a class or work.
- Home around 8:45 pm
- Tuck kids in
- Spend time with hubster
- Crash.
Then there are the days we are scooting off to ballet or to homeschool group or church functions. Is it any wonder that I'm exhausted?!
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
The One With Pros & Cons of Having a Large Family
Pros
*They have each other to play with.
*They help each other out.
*In order to run the house smoothly, children in large families tend to learn responsibility sooner. Mom doesn't cater to their every whim/need when there are 4 others needing her as well.
*The olders help school the youngers, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
*The olders teach the youngers responsibility & respect.
*The youngers teach the olders patience, grace & kindness.
*They are rarely bored because there is someone else to play with.
*If they ARE bored, there's plenty of chores to do!
Cons
*They share germs so a simple 24 hr bug can last for ddaaayyys... or even weeks in some cases.
*They eat a lot... time to own a small farm to keep up with their food intake!
*Sometimes one gets left out and that is the end of the world for them... so heartbreaking.
*If one learns a bad habit, you have to undo it in all of them & that takes time.
Mostly, the pros waay outweigh the cons & I LOVE having a large family.
For fun... here's a summer picture of my handful...
*They have each other to play with.
*They help each other out.
*In order to run the house smoothly, children in large families tend to learn responsibility sooner. Mom doesn't cater to their every whim/need when there are 4 others needing her as well.
*The olders help school the youngers, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
*The olders teach the youngers responsibility & respect.
*The youngers teach the olders patience, grace & kindness.
*They are rarely bored because there is someone else to play with.
*If they ARE bored, there's plenty of chores to do!
Cons
*They share germs so a simple 24 hr bug can last for ddaaayyys... or even weeks in some cases.
*They eat a lot... time to own a small farm to keep up with their food intake!
*Sometimes one gets left out and that is the end of the world for them... so heartbreaking.
*If one learns a bad habit, you have to undo it in all of them & that takes time.
Mostly, the pros waay outweigh the cons & I LOVE having a large family.
For fun... here's a summer picture of my handful...
Sunday, December 16, 2012
The One About The Broken World
I don't have anything amazing to say about the recent events in the news. I don't have a son that I can write an article about or the gift of turning traditional Christmas poems into a poem of comfort. I'm just a Mom who is heartbroken over the recent events.
I have a son who is the age of the children in that class. I cannot tell you how many times since Friday that my eyes have welled up with tears as I watched him playing without a care in the world. His laugh, his joy, his creativity has always warmed me.
My heart is broken for the families of the children who were lost. No laughter on Christmas morning, no giggles and yelps of delight as they open their gifts. Even the families who have surviving children will not experience it in the same way. Everything will be a reminder of the children who are missing from their homes.
A friend & I were texting about this earlier and it really struck me that we live in such a broken world. It's been broken from the moment Eve took that step & listened to the Devil instead of to the Lord. It was *so* broken, God destroyed it with a flood. It was *so* broken that God sent his Son to make the ultimate sacrifice to take away the brokenness and restore the life that God created the world to be. And one day He will send His son back to claim it for His own. He will take away the brokenness and restore it to the beauty, fullness & perfection it was back on Day 1.
It's hard to watch the news, to read the news, to listen to the stories & see the smiling faces of those little ones. I'm thankful for the reminder that one of our pastors gave us today. It's ok to mourn. Jesus wept with Lazarus' family even tho He KNEW He would raise Lazarus from the dead. He wept with them because he mourned with those who mourn. It's ok for us to mourn with those who mourn and weep with those who weep. Even if we don't know them, it's ok to hurt with those who hurt.
I have a son who is the age of the children in that class. I cannot tell you how many times since Friday that my eyes have welled up with tears as I watched him playing without a care in the world. His laugh, his joy, his creativity has always warmed me.
My heart is broken for the families of the children who were lost. No laughter on Christmas morning, no giggles and yelps of delight as they open their gifts. Even the families who have surviving children will not experience it in the same way. Everything will be a reminder of the children who are missing from their homes.
A friend & I were texting about this earlier and it really struck me that we live in such a broken world. It's been broken from the moment Eve took that step & listened to the Devil instead of to the Lord. It was *so* broken, God destroyed it with a flood. It was *so* broken that God sent his Son to make the ultimate sacrifice to take away the brokenness and restore the life that God created the world to be. And one day He will send His son back to claim it for His own. He will take away the brokenness and restore it to the beauty, fullness & perfection it was back on Day 1.
It's hard to watch the news, to read the news, to listen to the stories & see the smiling faces of those little ones. I'm thankful for the reminder that one of our pastors gave us today. It's ok to mourn. Jesus wept with Lazarus' family even tho He KNEW He would raise Lazarus from the dead. He wept with them because he mourned with those who mourn. It's ok for us to mourn with those who mourn and weep with those who weep. Even if we don't know them, it's ok to hurt with those who hurt.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The One About An App
I don't usually blog about iPad apps, but today, I want to share this one. And it'll take more than a Facebook post, so I'm posting here. :)
I found an app called iallowance. Matt and I looked it over and decided it was worth the $4 to try it out. I love it! In this app you can create a profile for each child. Under that profile you can make a list of all the chores that child has. You can put the chores on a rotating basis, which is great for me because I rotate the kids through chores every 4 weeks. You can choose if the chores are rewarded with stars or with $. If they are rewarded with stars, you can have those stars go to a bigger reward. For example, when my kids earn 100 stars, they get a special day :)
You can also keep track of their allowance on this. It reminds me of online banking. You can set up as many banks as you want. I set up a savings, spending and tithe bank for each of the kids. I entered the amount of their weekly allowance and split it between the banks. 10% to tithe, 25% to savings and the rest goes into spending $.
The last awesome thing is that you can set up a negative "chore"that they need to work on doing better at and they will get negative points if they do it wrong. That doesn't make much sense... For example, I have one child who leaves the door open all the time. So I set it up so that when he leaves the door open, it deducts .10 from his spending money.
I've had an iPod for a year and an iPad for 8 mos & this is the first time I've gotten really excited about an app. Talk about making my life easier! It keeps track of chores and allowance for me! And the kids like it so far. (Except the deducting $ part.)
I found an app called iallowance. Matt and I looked it over and decided it was worth the $4 to try it out. I love it! In this app you can create a profile for each child. Under that profile you can make a list of all the chores that child has. You can put the chores on a rotating basis, which is great for me because I rotate the kids through chores every 4 weeks. You can choose if the chores are rewarded with stars or with $. If they are rewarded with stars, you can have those stars go to a bigger reward. For example, when my kids earn 100 stars, they get a special day :)
You can also keep track of their allowance on this. It reminds me of online banking. You can set up as many banks as you want. I set up a savings, spending and tithe bank for each of the kids. I entered the amount of their weekly allowance and split it between the banks. 10% to tithe, 25% to savings and the rest goes into spending $.
The last awesome thing is that you can set up a negative "chore"that they need to work on doing better at and they will get negative points if they do it wrong. That doesn't make much sense... For example, I have one child who leaves the door open all the time. So I set it up so that when he leaves the door open, it deducts .10 from his spending money.
I've had an iPod for a year and an iPad for 8 mos & this is the first time I've gotten really excited about an app. Talk about making my life easier! It keeps track of chores and allowance for me! And the kids like it so far. (Except the deducting $ part.)
Saturday, November 17, 2012
The One About Family.
I was driving home the other night and drove right by my Moms house. They were at work, so the house was dark, but I still smiled as I drove by. There's something comforting about knowing that your family lives so close. This hasn't always been the case for me. Most of our married life we have spent at least an hour away. Even though we've now lived close for a 2.5 years, I still appreciate it.
Honestly,my family is pretty awesome. I really don't know any other family quiet like ours. We have the best get togethers with lots of cousins running around playing, rarely having any cafuffles, & all of us adults hanging out, chatting & playing games. Knowing that we can have heartfelt discussions or religious discussions or even political discussions & not end up in a fight is pretty awesome. Even though we don't all agree in these areas, we do all respect and love each other enough to not let those things be such a big deal that it breaks relationship.
Relationship... isn't that what family is all about?
(Done w/ my mushy post now... :) )
Honestly,my family is pretty awesome. I really don't know any other family quiet like ours. We have the best get togethers with lots of cousins running around playing, rarely having any cafuffles, & all of us adults hanging out, chatting & playing games. Knowing that we can have heartfelt discussions or religious discussions or even political discussions & not end up in a fight is pretty awesome. Even though we don't all agree in these areas, we do all respect and love each other enough to not let those things be such a big deal that it breaks relationship.
Relationship... isn't that what family is all about?
(Done w/ my mushy post now... :) )
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