Another Rambly One

It's Monday! It's a new week... Thanksgiving week to be exact! I'm excited because this week my brother, who is in college, is coming over for a few nights!! And Matt gets Thursday & Friday off work! It will be good to spend that time together.

We were unexpectedly blessed this week... I got the electric bill to find that we had overpaid and owe nothing until mid-January!! Yay!

Today I clean and get ready for Siah's visit. Hoping for no showings this week. Matt & I are debating renewing our contract when it's up in Feb/March. This is a lot of stress... and the area we want to move to is expensive for housing. We could put an addition on our home for less than a new mortgage would be in VT. But the drive. And the schools... etc. It's hard to decide waht to do... We're just waiting to see what happens at this point. We are still under contract w/ our realtor and won't pay to break that, so if it sells before the contract is up then we'll move. If it doesn't we may just stay put and put an addition on... It's crazy not to have a clear direction... kinda drives me a bit batty at times.

The One Where I Explain Myself

I think I really do have the best husband around. I've been in quite a funk lately... just overwhelmed, exhausted, grumpy... not myself. Tonight he brought dinner home AND is doing the grocery shopping for me so I don't have to go. Let's see how close he gets to the list! LOL! But it's worth it even if he buys a little extra. I'm home hanging out w/ 4 of my kiddos and the shopping is being done for me. He took Levi with him... Levi was so excited as it's been a while since he has been on a "Daddy Date".

I need to make some changes in my life... I'm just not feeling strongly motivated. I don't like it when I'm in this place. I feel as tho friends are only tolerating me and that they'd really rather not be friends. I feel fat and unattractive. I feel like an awful parent, a bad student, a bad Christian, just over all very yucky. I'm not being whiney here... just stating the facts.

Beth is interrupting me for some Mommy/Beth time. She wants to Mario Kart on the Wii. LOL! Guess I'll go see if I can beat her at it. :)

A Discouraged One

I would really love to pretend to have it all together. I'd love to pretend to feel upbeat and confident all the time. I'd love to pretend to put my full confidence in the Lord. The reality is I'm so beaten down right now. I'm so discouraged, frustrated, unsure of direction... I feel like a fish out of water with no way of knowing how to get back in. I feel like yelling and crying and throwing a tantrum to rival those my 3 y/o throws. I feel like crawling into bed and not getting out for a few weeks. I feel like running away from all the stresses of life.

Unfortunately I cannot. I know all the right things to think. I know all the prayers to pray. I know the scriptures to pray or read for encouragment... but my prayers seem to fall on deaf ears. My prayers seem to reach the ceiling and plummet back down to earth.

Don't get me wrong... I'm thankful for many things in my life: my children, my husband, my home. I'm thankful that we have a loving, supportive family. I'm thankful for my salvation and for the knowledge that tho I may not feel Him all the time I know God is always there. I am thankful... I'm just having a hard time focusing on the good at the moment....

One With More On Whole Foods

So, like everything in life, switching to a whole foods diet is going to come slowly. It's going to come in spurts and as we can financially. I have chosen to spend a little extra $ on whole grain pastas and flour, which sacrifices some of the quicker snack items and bread I usually get. It may have to change some weeks when I know how busy life will get.

Anyway... tonight's experiment is with apple pie. Crust made with white whole wheat flour (I know, not ideal, but still better than white) & instead of 1 c. sugar I put in 1/2 c. honey along with the apples, cinn, etc. Will let you know how it turns out. ;)

Dinner is hot pockets!! Before you think anything negative... they are homemade and a recipe from my "Naturally Healthy Cuisine" book. I made & froze 2 doz on Monday and am reheating them for dinner. I took whole wheat bread dough and put different toppings in them. The kids liked theirs dipped in pizza sauce (also homemade). Mine had chicken/broccoli/cheese so not so good w/ the pizza sauce.

I think the key to switching to eating more healthy is that I have to make it feasible for us. I can't cook things the family won't like or it will become a battle. I can't only make things that take all day to cook or it'll become impossible. And I can't completely rule out home baked cookies and other goodies or it'll become boring.

I keep thinking of this when it comes to eating (and many, many other areas of my life right now): Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.

Another Venty One About Home Selling

I am trying so hard not to get discouraged right now. Yes, I'm using this blog as a sounding board at the moment... and won't post this one to my FB page as I just need to vent.

I'm frustrated with this whole selling the house thing. A dozen showings, 1 crummy offer... and all we keep hearing is "we like it, but it's too small." or "it's #2 on our list" Our entire lives are disrupted... to the point that I DREAD the phone ringing these days. 2-3 showings/week is exhausting us and having nothing coming of them is so discouraging. We have come home on various occasions to find our computer power bar had been flipped to 'off' (umm.. it was under the desk behind the lock box... WHY was anyone there?), windows left partly open on cold days, the crawl space access in the garage left open, doors left open, lights left on, the REEK of cigarrette butts (we don't smoke, so it's really icky to me)... the list could go on. I know it's the "hazzards" of selling a house, but I feel like my HOME is no longer MY home already, yet I have no excitement of hoping to find a new home yet because it all hinges on the sale.

I'm discouraged. I'm frustrated. I'm worn out. I want life to return to some semblance of normalcy. It has *only* been 5.5 mos.... but those 5.5 mos seem like a long time when your life is disrupted so many times.

Vent over... back to cleaning... yes another showing tomorrow.

The One About Whole Foods

I've been reading a lot of Shonda Parker's books lately. I am really enjoying the way that she writes and am trying to glean as much information as I can from her. The reoccuring theme in her books is that your body is a temple to God and should be taken care of accordingly. She writes how we should be careful about what we put into it, but to do it according to how you can financially and with your husband's & family's likes/dislikes/needs in mind.

So I'm trying to incoorperate more whole, seasonal foods into our diets as money allows. Things can be very tight financially lately, so it isn't going to be perfect, but I'm going to try my hardest.

Today so far:
Bfast ~ Scrambled eggs, whole wheat toast
Snack ~ fresh, homemade applesauce (Yum!)
Lunch ~ baked oatmeal: oats, eggs, milk, maple syrup, baking powder & I put chopped apples instead of raisins because I had none.
Dinner ~ homemade beef stew (unfortunately beef is not organic the way I'd prefer, but a lean cut): beef, browned and a gravy made w/ w.w. flour & water, potatoes, carrots, onions & fresh garlic. & homemade w.w. rolls made w/ molasses instead of white sugar
Dessert &/or second snack ~ homemade whole wheat applesauce cake... which I just tasted and it was yummy.

I know that financially I cannot afford organic foods right now or a huge variety of fruits & veggies... but I'm going to do what I can...

The One With a Mixture of Topics

Recently a friend posted on FB how she has spent too much time trying to fix the negative things in her life than time spent focusing and accentuating the positive aspects. What a thought!! I am very good at seeing the things I need to fix in my personality, my actions, etc... and very bad at seeing and working on the positive things that God has given me. I tend to think if I work on those or accentuate them then it's a matter of pride. But I'm starting to think otherwise. I'm going to give this some more thought.

My mouth is still throbbing this morning. I had my wisdom teeth pulled on Friday... it's Monday now and I'm so ready for the pain to be gone and to eat something normal again. On the plus side I lost 5 lbs! LOL! I'm sure it won't stay off... but I wish it would.

Alyssa was up ALLLLL night last night. Literally. Hourly. I'm not sure why? No new teeth in her mouth, no fever, no cold, nothing visibly wrong. The only thing I can guess is that she hasn't poo'd since Thursday. :( My milk supply has dipped drastically in the days since having my teeth pulled and my milk supply was her main source of liquids. She won't drink water or milk. We just barely found a juice she'll touch, but even then not a lot. I feel so bad for her... and frustrated at the same time. I NEED sleep to help my body heal... rested bodies heal much better than exhausted bodies.