A Discouraged One

I would really love to pretend to have it all together. I'd love to pretend to feel upbeat and confident all the time. I'd love to pretend to put my full confidence in the Lord. The reality is I'm so beaten down right now. I'm so discouraged, frustrated, unsure of direction... I feel like a fish out of water with no way of knowing how to get back in. I feel like yelling and crying and throwing a tantrum to rival those my 3 y/o throws. I feel like crawling into bed and not getting out for a few weeks. I feel like running away from all the stresses of life.

Unfortunately I cannot. I know all the right things to think. I know all the prayers to pray. I know the scriptures to pray or read for encouragment... but my prayers seem to fall on deaf ears. My prayers seem to reach the ceiling and plummet back down to earth.

Don't get me wrong... I'm thankful for many things in my life: my children, my husband, my home. I'm thankful that we have a loving, supportive family. I'm thankful for my salvation and for the knowledge that tho I may not feel Him all the time I know God is always there. I am thankful... I'm just having a hard time focusing on the good at the moment....