Saturday, January 30, 2010

The One With More on Parenting

Some of you are going to think, "There she goes on a tangent again..." and you are right. LOL!

I'm reading Scream Free Parenting right now. I was a little hesitant to read this book as I don't really have a problem with yelling. Yes, I do raise my voice once in a while but it's not even on a weekly basis. However, this book goes beyond actually yelling to learning to control ourselves and not project our feelings onto our children. Finding out why we react the way we do and how to use self control and react in a different way.

On page 69 he starts talking about letting go of the final results. This is huge for me. I'm constantly thinking "if I do X will they turn out like Y". He says that if you want your children to become self directed adults you have to face the truth that you cannot do it for them. He uses the example of faith. The goal for many of us Christian parents is to raise children to love and honor God. The author writes, "I assert this is actually not their most important goal. Again and again I tell them that launching their children into a self directed adulthood is far more important." I was a little taken aback at this until I read this sentence a little further down, " He cannot authentically choose to follow God if he cannot choose, on his own, to follow God. Such a faith would be a borrowed faith at best, one that is still seeking to appease or please others..... If you want to make sure your child follows God, then you need to let go of your need to make sure your child follows God. You need to create a space for your child to develop a relationship with God on his own terms." He goes on to say that it doesn't mean you do nothing... you actively create faith discussions and introduce him to the faith tradition that's led you thus far... and most importantly live in a way that reflects your faith.

This really hit me. As a parent who believe in this Lord, one of my main goals is to bring my children up in that way. I'm always worried that someday they may turn away from the Lord and live a life not pleasing to Him. But like this author said, I need to let go of that. And create a safe environment in which the Lord is first and foremost w/out beating them over the heads with it. It makes sense...

1 comment:

Wendi said...

I am reading a book now called "Beyond Consequences Logic and Control" which mostly deals with parenting traumatized children. But alot of the parenting being taught in the book is based on dealing with our own fears, our own emotions so we can stay regulated and calm in front of our children. I have had to realize that alot of who they are going to be isn't about me, UNLESS it is the part of me that shows fears. It is a good book, really eye opening.