Tuesday, June 1, 2010

The One About Running Away

Some days I want to run away. I told Matt this recently and I think I freaked him out a bit. If I could I'd take him with me... but one of us needs to be the responsible one and stay put.

I often feel like life is overwhelming lately. I'm not quite sure why. It's no more stressful than last year. In fact, maybe it's a little less stressful than last year. I'm not sure... But I'm overwhelmed, tired and often thinking of what I *could* be doing if I was committed to raising my 5 children. It's obviously not that I don't love my children. It's not that I want to get away from them per say. I just want to escape the stress... I wish I could go back to 'real' school. I wish that I could study midwifery and not have a gazzillion and one things interrupting my studies. I wish I could decide I want to go out for coffee and just go. I wish I could decide I want to pick up a project & just do it w/out it getting interrupted.

I guess that's just how life is right now... and the time with the children is really short (so people tell me) & I'll have time for myself later.... but in the meantime I hope I keep my sanity in tact and don't loose myself in the midst of Lego Wars & Ponies.


Soaring Eagle said...

I also feel like that at times. I try and remind myself that my kids will become teenagers soon enough and be a lot more independent. Then I'll have all the time to do what I want to do. Just hard when it would be nice to just go and do something without having to wonder who's going to watch the kids.

Rachael said...

Well then how about next time you don't cancel on me when we're planning a running-away day???? :P Just kidding. If you hadn't cancelled on me I wouldn't have been able to have a date with my husband. But we'll have to write the next day out in ink, no cancelling!

My mom ran away from us once. She dropped us off at my moms and just went to a hotel. The feelings are totally normal. *hugs*

M said...

You are right Rach...I did run away once...Though specifics are a little different. Dad watched you guys and I drove wildly to Aunt Barb's workplace. I was tired of being mommy, Mrs. Belrose, wife, caretaker, cook cleaner, diapering expert, picker-upper etc. I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. Sound familiar? I wanted to be "Sue", the old me, with choices to make every morning. Choices that were mine, not choices pre-made by having married and having kids. I wanted to make new choices every day.

Regardless, the 2-3 hour crying session left me exhausted, but ready to come home and continue on the path I had chosen.

It is normal to need to find the time to be "you", to not expect to be perfect and normal to say, "wish I had a do-over coming". In the end, it is all worth it, it is what we were meant to do for that time period and it is OK to take time to be "you". Remember, anything not done today, can be done tomorrow and will look just as good when it is done. xoxo
(( ))

M said...

I have always that I wish I was wealthy enough to have an apartment, a little one, living room/bedroom combo, very small kitchen and a toilet and sink. When I needed to run away, for an hour, a 1/2 day or a weekend, no-one, NO-ONE knew where it was It would have no incoming call function. It would have no address. It would be my shelter, my haven. My place to just be alone.

carrie24 said...

I hear you on his one. Many days i hear the same thoughts echo through my mind. And as you said its not about not loving your kids.. its a desire to just be able to exist alone for a bit. Hang in there, and maybe hanging out with other need to escape moms will ease that feeling up as we can dream together of time constraint free days :)